I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
