My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
