I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
