She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
