somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
