What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
