i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
