he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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