Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize