Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
