All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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