I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
