somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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