I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
