We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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