I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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