I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
