look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
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oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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