im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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