look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
