Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
