The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
