I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
