another moral hangover. fuck.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
