some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
