How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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