You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
