You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
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knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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