I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
