Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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