Dual....:-)
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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