Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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