I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
