If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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