highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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