hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
