That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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