I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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