At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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