Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
