I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
