I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
barbara walters just said penis...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
