oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
