I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
