My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
