There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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