I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
