Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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