just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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