I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize