Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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