Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
