you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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