Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
