Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
