What did we do last night that was yellow?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
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We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme