The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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