you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
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He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again