I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Alive.
So much puke
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
