Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
