you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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