would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
