you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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