He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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