May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
