You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
