like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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