Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
