Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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