i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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