yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
True strength comes from lack of pants
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
