meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
