i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
