who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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