are you so shy because you have an std?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
