He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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