My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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