saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She's the barista slut.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
