If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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