i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
