how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
