mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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