wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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