i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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