we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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