Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
