i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
