True but thats because hes a fetus.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
