we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
